


Almost

by alnima



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, M/M, Mentions of Nouis, Musician Niall, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-12
Updated: 2013-09-12
Packaged: 2017-12-26 05:49:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alnima/pseuds/alnima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall is a musician and gets the opportunity to travel the world. Zayn is what he leaves behind.</p><p>But that isn't how it ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't know or own anyone. This work is my own and it is not featured on any other site, nor does anyone have my permission to repost it in its entirety. Thank you!!!

It’s a drizzly Sunday when Niall and Zayn end things for the very first time. They’re not together, not officially, not even secretly. But that doesn’t stop it from feeling like a break up. There is nothing grand or elaborate about the way things end. Their relationship just fizzles away into smoke and evaporates to nothing. There isn’t a fight or empty promises left floating in the air only broken feelings and unspoken words. And that’s probably what makes it hurts the worst. 

Niall plays the guitar sings songs down at the local pub on the weekends. That’s how he and Zayn meet. It’s Friday night and Zayn is standing behind the bar pouring people drinks as they bark out orders at him. It’s the same every night when he works. He’s learned how to smile at the customers instead of arguing with them so he gets a hearty tip. The people are all the same. They’re all looking for a way to escape their problems and Zayn is no different. 

The atmosphere of the pub changes when the lights drop low and a petite blond walks out through the thick black curtains surrounding the back of the stage. It’s just him with his guitar and Zayn can barely hear him over the chatter of the people surrounding them but he’s mesmerized. The boy has shiny blond hair that's a deep brown at the base of his head. There is a bounce to his step as he carries his guitar in one hand and drink in the other. He drops the drink down on the floor so he can slide into the chair set in the middle of the stage. 

Zayn keeps his eyes on the boy as he pours peoples drinks and listens as he mutters into the microphone that name is Niall. He listens as his voice wafts through the speakers and floats across the room. Zayn doesn’t shift his eyes away from the boy in front of him. Not even when Niall connects their eyes and sings an entire song while his eyes are locked with Zayn’s. 

When his performance is over he holds his guitar in the air and proper bows for the crowd. Zayn watches him until he disappears behind the curtain again before he goes back to making drinks. He forces the blonde out of his mind and hopes that he’s not going to be a regular. He’s so engrossed in his own thoughts that he doesn’t see Niall pull up a stool at the far right corner and begin to watch Zayn mix drinks and pass out beers. 

Zayn doesn’t notice Niall’s presence until he’s wiping down the surface of the bar and he hears a soft knock against the counter top. Zayn looks up and sees Niall flashing him a small grin with a tiny wave as he makes his way out of the bar. 

That's the first time that Zayn sees Niall, but it’s not the last, because Niall continues to come to the pub so he can perform on stage every night. And Zayn watches every performance holding his breath and losing himself in the hypnotic sound of Niall’s voice. When it’s over Niall comes and takes his place at the bar. It takes weeks for Niall to change stools but slowly he begins to sit closer and closer to the center of the bar. He begins ordering drinks and for a while that’s the only words that Zayn ever hears Niall say directly towards him. Slowly though it shifts into an actual conversation, small things that you’d talk about with anyone, but Zayn makes sure to keep it tucked away in the back of his brain in a place saved for all things Niall.

It goes on like that for months until suddenly it shifts. Niall begins to pop up at all the places that Zayn has ever expressed going to; the coffee shop down the street from his apartment, the park he likes to walk through during sunset before he has to make his way to work, and the bookstore where he works in the mornings. It’s surprising at first to walk into his favorite coffee shop and see Niall sitting in a booth with two paper cups set in front of him, one pushed on the other side of the table like it’s waiting for someone. 

Niall catches his eye and smiles brightly as he motions for Zayn to sit down across from him. Zayn looks around for a moment before he registers that Niall is waiting for him. He bypasses the counter and slides into the other side of the booth, silently thanking Niall for the mocha. They’re silent and neither of them makes any attempts to break the silence. It’s enjoyable and Zayn is saddened when he and Niall are forced to part ways. 

But it’s not the last time that Niall pops in to places unannounced. Zayn finds him later in the day flipping through magazines in the back of the bookstore as he lies down on one of the couches. Zayn doesn’t say anything just puts the books in his hands in their proper place before he heads back to the stand behind the counter. 

When his shift ends Niall is waiting for him at the door with his hands in his pockets, whistling under his breath. Zayn locks up the store and makes his way towards the park with Niall in tow. It’s a small city park with more trees than any other part of town and Zayn loves the fact that no one uses it at dusk. Niall comments on how he’s never been to this park before and asks Zayn questions like why he comes here, is his apartment visible from where they’re at, and why Zayn even likes walking through the parks when he’s just been at work all day. 

“Why did you come to the coffee shop, and the bookstore today?” Zayn asks, interrupting Niall’s chatter about how concerning it is that he’s only seen three squirrels. 

“Huh?”

“You were at my favorite coffee shop with my favorite drink and then you were at the book store during my shift and now you’re here in the park with me. Why?”

Niall shrugs his shoulders casually. “I just wanted to see you more.”

Zayn stares at him for a moment before nodding his head and continuing through the park. They walk until its time for Zayn to head home to get ready for his shift at the pub. They separate with promises that they’ll reconnect later tonight. 

The days end up blurring together as Niall continues to be wherever Zayn goes, and in the moments where Zayn has nothing to do does he venture out and show up in the places that Niall goes. They’re not together but all their friends talk about how adorable they are and how happy they are that they found each other. They never deny the things that people say about them, but Zayn knows that they’re not together. They’ve never talked about turning this into something more even if it is always _ZaynandNiall_ and not Niall and Zayn. They don’t talk about it when they’re following each other around town or when certain nights of the week turn into new traditions for the pair. 

Like, how on Sundays they spend the day inside Zayn’s house and order Chinese food for lunch and eat ice cream for dinner. They spend the day watching movies and listening to Niall play the guitar and sing songs he’s written for Zayn. He writes songs for Zayn but Zayn doesn’t think that means they’re together. They’re not together because they’ve never talked about it. Or even how Saturday mornings Niall likes to pop into Zayn’s house and makes him pancakes with eggs and sausage and a tall glass of orange juice. Zayn almost asks Niall about it then when they’re at the table and eating the food Niall made for them. But he decides against it and just enjoys his breakfast. 

They settle into a routine, and they’re never apart. They follow each other to events that the other isn’t directly invited too. And they spend every waking moment together. But that’s until things start to change. 

Niall slowly stops playing at the pub Zayn works for because some place bigger and more popular had heard about Niall and offered him more money to perform at that club. It turns into Niall leaving Zayn’s pub completely and it feels like a gaping hole in Zayn’s life because that’s hours of time spent being awake where Niall does not surround him. The new performer is some short, stocky guy with thick arms that bangs on the drums as he shouts into the microphone. Zayn hates him. He doesn’t bother to learn his name and refuses to participate in the conversations the boy tries to initiate. 

Zayn doesn’t tell Niall about how much he misses him when he’s not around. He knows that Niall is just as upset as he is or at least that’s what he tells himself, but he doesn’t want to scare Niall away so he keeps quiet. Because Niall never mentions missing Zayn or if he wants him around when he’s not there. 

But soon Niall is offered an even bigger deal to play his songs in a studio where he’s allowed to record them for a label.

And slowly Niall stops showing up to the coffee house and the book store and Zayn learns from one of Niall’s friends that he’s moved to another city so he can record his music and live out his dreams. 

It’s a drizzly Sunday and Zayn is curled up on his couch wrapped in a blanket as he thinks about all the times he almost told Niall how much he meant to him. How many times he almost broke down and begged Niall to stay and never leave. 

But now he won’t get that chance so instead of telling Niall all the things he almost said he goes about his life and tries to remember how to be just Zayn and not _ZaynandNiall._

But this isn’t how it ends.

~~~ 

It’s five long months without Niall and Zayn has finally given up hope that the blonde will ever return. 

For the first two weeks he had stayed in his apartment, curled on the couch while the television hummed in the background. He barely ate and barely drank anything. He called into the bookstore and the pub and uses up all of his sick days in order to lie on the couch and think about Niall. 

And that’s all he does is think about Niall. He remembers the way Niall’s eyes locked with his on the first night he ever saw him. The way Niall was so far from him but he could make out every fleck of gold that danced in the blue irises of his eyes. Zayn loved Niall’s eyes and the ways they shone with pure happiness with everything he did. The way his eyes shone when he looked at Zayn. He remembers when Niall found Zayn’s apartment and began waiting on the front steps for him to come out every morning so they could walk and get mochas and coffees and teas together. He remembers every detail of Niall’s face when he would laugh. Every crease, every dimple and every line and it causes a pain in his chest that makes him want to scream out and throw every object he owns against the walls because it hurts. Every part of him hurts and it’s not a slow steady pain that’s isolated to one area. No, this is a pain that resembles being stabbed over and over again causing the pain to radiating throughout his entire body. 

And he knows it’s his fault because he could never say any of the words that almost fell out every time they were together. 

He doesn’t leave his apartment until his friend, Liam, comes over and yells at him for being inconsiderate and not telling anyone where he was. But Liam’s demeanor diminishes when he looks at Zayn and the bags under his red eyes and how his frame is turned in on itself from lack of nutrition. 

One month after Niall leaves and Zayn has begun to show up at all the places that Niall used to go. He’s no longer in any of those places and Zayn’s chest aches because there aren’t even little reminders of the blond. But still he follows the old schedule that they used too but Niall never shows up. He sees Niall’s friend, Harry, at many of the places he goes to and he’s always giving Zayn the same sad smile. So Zayn stops going and continues following his own schedule.

He wishes that Niall could have disappeared after a fight or that he had made it clear that he didn’t want to be around Zayn. That maybe he would have yelled and screamed and said mean things to Zayn about how dumb he is for never saying the things that were on his mind. For never doing anything that would keep Niall around. Maybe if Niall had left with a bang then he wouldn’t feel so pathetic. 

It’s three months after Niall disappears when Zayn sees Niall again. He’s leaving the bar after his shift and forcing back memories of when Niall would be leaning against the brick building with an easy grin because he was waiting for Zayn to get off. Zayn thinks of Niall less and less everyday. There are little things that happen everyday that cause him to have a momentary flash of panic because so fucking much makes him think of the other boy and he can never seem to catch a break.

He no longer has the stabbing pain that radiates through out his body. It’s not a dull ache that intensifies at random moments of the day. It’s the same random moments where Niall will flash through his mind and he’s left gripping whatever his hands can reach and trying to steady his breathing. 

They weren’t together and this shouldn’t feel like a break up. It shouldn’t feel like Zayn has had his heart ripped out of his chest and thrown into a blender. They were nothing but friends and sometimes friendships end for no reason and just because they were only friends doesn’t mean that he can’t be upset. 

But he’s less upset than he was because now he’s looking at a picture of Niall in poster form from outside of the record store that says how Niall is releasing a single in a month. Zayn stares at the poster for a moment before the ache becomes sharp again and he can’t feel his chest or his legs anymore.

And now here he is five months later serving drinks at the exact same bar he always has when Niall walks in through the doors. His breath catches in his throat and his heart stops beating in his chest as he drops the glass he’s holding when he catches sight of the boy. 

Zayn apologizes to the patrons around him but doesn’t let his gaze wander away form Niall. He’s dressed baggy black jeans hung low on hips and a white shirt with a denim vest over it and Zayn can’t breathe. The longer he looks at Niall the faster his heartbeats and the faster and his chest is budding with panic and the desire to jump across the counter and pin Niall against the wall and make him explain why he left. But he can’t do that so instead he kneels down and begins gathering the broken pieces of glass scattered across the floor. He ignores the symbolism of the entire situation and refuses to acknowledge that his heart feels the same as the glass. 

When Zayn pops back up Niall is standing on the other side of the counter, drumming his fingers along the surface, looking around for the bartender. He finally sees Zayn and his face holds a moment of shock but it’s only a moment and Zayn almost misses it. 

“Um, hey,” Niall says. “I didn’t think you’d still be working here. I, uh, can I get a beer? Or something.”

Zayn nods his head and drops the glass shards into the trash can below the counter top before he pulls out a glass pour Niall his favorite kind of beer. He never told Zayn that it was his favorite but it was the same one he used to order before he vanished so Zayn thinks that it’ll be okay. 

He hands the glass over to Niall and stands there awkwardly with his palms pressed flat into his thighs. He’s pretty sure that he’s not blinking and that his legs are shaking and if Niall is as perceptive as Zayn knows him to be then he can tell that Zayn is freaking the fuck out. 

“How’ve you been?” Niall asks. 

Like shit, Zayn thinks. But continues looking at Niall in a blink-less stare because he’s right there, and he’s so fucking close that Zayn wants to cry with relief that the budding pain in his chest has resolved into nothing but an ache from the way his heart keeps hammering against his ribcage. 

He wants to tell Niall that’s he not okay. And Zayn almost gets the chance to tell Niall about how much he’s missed Niall and how he hasn’t really felt like himself for a while now. At least not until Niall had walked into the door and Zayn got to see just exactly what he’s been missing, but it’s so fucking hard to get his mouth to open and move in the formation of words. So fucking hard. And Niall is standing in front of him with a sad smile as he clutches the glass that Zayn has just handed him. 

Zayn almost gets the chance to tell Niall everything but suddenly there is a brunette draping himself over Niall’s back and licking up his neck and Zayn can’t feel anything other than the broken pieces of his heart dropping from his chest cavity and onto the floor. 

Niall doesn’t wait for Zayn to answer instead he grabs his drink and the other boys hand and offers Zayn a small wave and a large tip. 

Niall doesn’t come back to the counter but he sends his friends and the other people who are buzzing about the fact that Niall Horan has come back to the place he started in over to ask Zayn for more drinks when his glass empties. It’s been a big deal with the people in town that their own boy is going to get noticed by the country, and maybe the world. He doesn’t come back to the counter but Zayn’s eyes don’t leave Niall as if it were any other time in the pub. 

And Zayn realizes as he watches Niall that he really wants to grab the blonde and press him against the wall and let his lips press against Niall’s so he can understand how Zayn feels. He’s never been so angry with himself because it took Niall running off and chasing his dream for Zayn to realize that he’s head over fucking heels and the fact that Niall is out there living without Zayn and that he’s smiling and he’s okay breaks his fucking heart. 

So he starts planning exactly how he’s going to talk to Niall and what he’s going to tell him. He plans how he’s going to bare his soul about how stupid he was for not just telling Niall that he wanted them to be together like everyone already thought they were. He wants to know if it was Zayn’s inability to speak what was on his mind that caused Niall to run off without a word. 

Zayn needs closure but he’s not going to get it because Niall is trailing behind the brunette from earlier. He’s left the pub with his hand entwined with another boy and his mouth connected the back of someone else’s neck.

And that’s…that’s fine. Zayn is fine because maybe this isn’t the end of he and Niall.

~~~ 

A year has passed since Zayn has seen or heard from Niall. When he had walked out the second time Zayn didn’t react as poorly as he did with the first. He gave himself a week to lie on the couch and act like his world had ended. It hadn’t, but seeing Niall with another boy draped around him and hearing the sound of his name rolling off the boys tongue had brought back the original pain he had in his chest. 

But it wasn’t just those things. No, the thing that drove a knife deep into his heart was the dumb fucking brunette with his swoopy fringe and his tight jeans and giant ass that hurt Zayn the worst. It’s the way that his hands roamed across Niall’s body and the way that he puts his mouth against Niall’s ear, causing him to break out in a fit of giggles. 

And it’s the brunette bastard that puts Zayn on the couch for a solid week to suffer through his own pain and misery. 

It’s been fifty-two weeks since he saw Niall and fifty-one weeks since he had his pathetic week on the couch. And Zayn wishes he could say that he’s over it and that he no longer thinks about Niall and all the things he wishes he had done or said. He wishes he could say that he doesn’t pull his phone out everyday and hovers over Niall’s number as he struggles through an internal debate going on in his head about whether or not Niall would want him to call. He wishes he didn’t miss Niall. And he doesn’t think about everything about Niall and the fact that he’s so hung up with a boy who left him without a word is swirling around through his head now as he sits on the park bench and watches the falling snow. He still follows the same routine as he did when he met Niall, except now it’s winter and the sun sets when he’s still at work so he’s forced to walk it’s paths accompanied by the soft glow of street lamps. 

He hears the familiar sound associated with people walking through fallen snow coming from behind him but he ignores it and continues watching the flakes drift through the air. 

“I was hoping I’d find you here.”

Zayn knows whom the voice belongs to before he even turns his head and looks at Niall. Niall is smiling openly before he drops down onto the bench as well. He doesn’t say anything else to Zayn; he only fixes his gaze across from them so he can watch the snowfall much like Zayn was just doing. Zayn studies Niall’s face because he’s having trouble believing this is real. Niall is here, why is Niall here? 

Zayn has been following Niall’s career for the past year and knows that Niall’s first single had been a hit without people all over the country. And that Niall had been doing interviews and radio interviews with famous radio stations across the country. Zayn also knows that Niall and that little brunette broke up months ago and it only boosted Niall’s career from there. 

Niall is getting everything he’s ever wanted and Zayn doesn’t understand why he’d come back to a place like this to watch falling snow in the middle of January with Zayn.

It’s getting late so Zayn stands from the bench and knows that Niall will follow him. He leads him back in the direction of his house and tries to ignore the buzzing feeling traveling through out his body at having Niall near again. 

He unlocks the door and holds it open so Niall can step inside and drop his coat, boots and other winter attire in the entryway while Zayn follows suit. He takes his time unlacing his boots as he watches Niall looking around before making his way towards the living room and dropping down on the couch. Zayn doesn’t follow him; instead he makes his way into the kitchen so he can make them both some hot chocolate. He remembers Niall talking about how his favorite thing about winter is hot cider, but he has a weak spot for hot chocolate after a day in the snow. 

When it’s finished Zayn carries the steaming mugs into his living room and sees Niall lounging on the couch with the afghan Zayn’s mom knitted him draped over his small frame. He accepts the cup Zayn gives him and shifts his legs a little so Zayn can drop down in the space next to him. Niall throws his legs over Zayn’s lap and Zayn’s hand itches to reach down and wrap his fingers around the pale skin of Niall’s calf and anchor himself onto the other boy. 

They spend the night in silence until Zayn’s eyes start to droop shut. Niall is fast asleep so Zayn makes sure that he’s quiet and gentle when he removes Niall’s legs from his lap before he makes his way down towards his room. He drops into the bed and releases a deep breathe into his pillow before burrowing himself into his blankets and drifting off to sleep.

Zayn wakes up in the morning and thinks that his encounter with Niall was merely a dream. It was nothing more than a vivid dream, one that he’s had countless nights before. But it’s not a dream because when Zayn rolls over he’s met with the sight of a sleeping Niall wrapped up in Zayn’s duvet and it’s makes Zayn’s breath catch in his throat because this isn’t something that he was expecting. He reaches his hand out and gently runs his fingers along Niall’s flushed cheeks but he snaps his hand back when Niall lets out a tiny whine and pulls the blankets up against his cheeks. 

When Zayn wakes up again Niall is gone but he’s met with the scent of waffles and sausage that he finds spread out along his kitchen table with Niall standing in front of the stove wearing one of Zayn’s old sweaters that falls off his shoulders and is rolled up at the sleeves. Niall turns and smiles at Zayn when he sees him enter the kitchen and motions for him to sit down and begin eating. Zayn does but he doesn’t take his eyes off Niall. 

It goes on like that for a few days. Niall sleeps next to him, cooks their breakfast and hangs out at the bookstore on the same couch he used to while Zayn works. People stop them when they’re walking down the street and ask Niall if they can take pictures with him and there is always a steady stream of teenage girls gathering around the front of the store so they can peek at Niall through the windows as he reads his magazines. After work Niall still follows Zayn through out the park, and when they get home Niall makes them dinner while Zayn relaxes on the couch. 

It’s just like the last time Niall was in Zayn’s life and the ache in Zayn’s chest is gone, but it’s replaced with a constant worry at the back of his mind. He knows they should talk. He knows he shouldn’t let things go unspoken between them, but he can’t risk Niall going again. 

They’re sitting at the table and Zayn is marveling the fact that Niall made an entire stew just for them, and he really wants to jump across the table and beg Niall to never go because when he’s not here Zayn doesn’t eat. He doesn’t eat meals or go to the store instead he picks up carry out or skips meals and leaves his cabinets bare. But Niall, Niall loves food and he keeps the cabinets and fridge stocked and he doesn’t let Zayn skip meals or do take out unless it’s on Sundays, just like before. 

“Do you not work at the pub anymore?” Niall asks and Zayn merely shakes his head in response. “That’s a shame,” Niall says. “I really loved going there with you.”

Niall launches into a series of ramblings about all the things he’s missed since he’s been gone. He talks about how much he misses the pub and suggests that they go back soon and visit everybody there. He talks about everything but what he left behind when he came here or what he left behind to get everything he ever wanted. He leaves out all the details of his departure and says how he thinks they should see Liam and Harry again soon because he’s really missed them and hasn’t seen Harry in a couple months. 

“What are you doing here Niall?”

Niall’s mouth flaps a little because he was just talking and Zayn has interrupted him, but Zayn needs to know what’s going on and why he’s here. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to live with himself if he never asks Niall this question. 

“I needed a break from everything, Zayn. Things have been really hard for me.”

And that, well that feels like a slap in the face because it hasn’t exactly been a walk in the fucking park for Zayn either. He’s the one that was left behind and forced to remember everything that used to be. He has to remind himself that they never were anything other than friends. They’d never been anything other than friends but that doesn’t mean that Zayn hasn’t been hurting because no part of this has been easy for him. 

Zayn doesn’t say anything just grips his fork tighter and shifts his attention down towards his plate so he can roll a chunk of beef across the surface. Niall takes his silence as confirmation that he can continue speaking. 

“I left here and everything was perfect. I was having the time of my life because finally people were noticing me, and it all happened so fast. One minute I was playing in a club and the next I was singing inside of a recording booth laying down different tracks to play for the record execs. And then I met Louis and everything became a storm where I was going out every night and making appearances and I tried coming back but he wouldn’t let me come alone so we only stayed for the night. When we got back everything just took off and my single was put out and radios were begging me to come in and talk to them. So I did. And then we released two more songs and now they’re talking about signing me and they want me to start a tour. Zayn, they want me to tour the country.” 

Zayn looks up from his plate and sees that Niall is looking at him with flushed cheeks and watery eyes. “Congratulations. That’s, that’s amazing, Niall. I’m glad you’re getting everything you wanted. But why are you here?”

“I missed home, Zayn.”

“No, why did you come here? Why did you come to me?” Zayn asks. Zayn is startled when Niall connects their gazes and Niall notices that his eyes are watering and his features are filled with emotions so raw that it hurts Zayn to look at, but he can’t avert his gaze. He can’t look away because he needs to know why Niall is here and why he won’t leave Zayn alone. He needs to know why Niall came back. Why Niall is here. 

Niall stands from his seat and walks over towards Zayn’s side of the table. He swings one of his legs over Zayn’s body and lowers himself down so he’s straddling Zayn’s lap. “I told you,” Niall starts as he reaches out and runs the back of his hand down Zayn’s cheek, “I missed home.”

And the air is sucked out of Zayn’s lungs because he’s the home that Niall is talking about and they’ve never talked about any of this. And Zayn had no idea that Niall would be feeling any of these things. Because how could Niall have been going through the same emotions that Zayn has when he’s the one that chose to walk out of Zayn’s life and leave their small town behind. 

But Zayn’s head is spinning and he notices that Niall is staring down at Zayn’s mouth in fascination as he runs the pad of his thumb across Zayn’s bottom lip. And it’s everything Zayn ever dreamed it would be when Niall leans down and presses his lips against Zayn’s. 

Zayn drops the fork in his hand and wraps his arms around Niall’s body so he can grip the blonde in every possible way. Niall has one hand on Zayn’s cheek and the other playing with the hair at the nape of Zayn’s neck. It’s intoxicating being able to feel Niall’s tongue run across his lip before it delves inside of Zayn’s mouth and all he can do is tighten his grip on Niall. 

They make their way back towards the bedroom; Zayn is carrying Niall with their mouths still connected and Niall’s legs wrapped around his waist. They break apart momentarily so Zayn can pull Niall’s shirt off over his head and do the same with his own. Zayn takes a step back and admires the smooth expanse of skin that stretches over Niall’s chest and torso. He reaches out and runs his fingers over the smooth, milky white skin and marvels in the way it tints pink and shivers because of the way Zayn’s fingers are ghosting over it. 

Zayn can feel his stomach clench as his eyes travel across Niall’s skin and he knows that the blond is going through the same because of the way his eyes are clouded with desire and the tell tale bulge in his pants. Zayn reaches up and pulls Niall closer to him so he can kiss him once more. 

They fall back on the bed and Niall braces his thighs on either side of Zayn and Zayn’s body rolls up at the feeling of Niall’s tongue running across the roof of his mouth. He drags his fingers down Niall’s back before he loops them around and begins working at Niall’s fly so he drag his jeans down his legs. Niall’s must be going through the same thought process because his fingers are fumbling with the zipper of Zayn’s jeans as Zayn runs his tongue along the shell of Niall’s ear. 

Niall removes Zayn’s boxers and does the same with his own and Zayn groans at the sight of Niall’s cock standing stiff against his stomach. 

Zayn grabs at Niall and pulls on the other boy until his mouth is close enough for Zayn to reach up and connect them. They’re kissing and it’s not so much kissing as rolling their tongues around the others and breathing into each other’s mouths. Niall has lined their dicks up and has wrapped his hand around the both of them as he rocks his body back and forth. 

“More,” Zayn breathes as he rocks his hips with Niall’s, because he’ll be damned if he’s going to come without Niall inside of him. He’s not going to come with them grinding against each other as Niall braces their cocks. Niall nods his head and kisses Zayn once before he reaches out and fumbles around in Zayn’s nightstand until he finds a condom and a bottle of lube. 

Niall comes back and kisses Zayn gently and Zayn gasps in the other boy’s mouth when he feels Niall’s finger at his entrance. And Niall deepens the kiss when Zayn let’s out a loud groan at feeling of Niall’s finger slipping inside of him. Zayn can feel his finger slowly working in and out of Zayn’s body before suddenly a second one is added and Zayn has to pull away from the kiss because he’s panting and his head is spinning. He wants Niall. He wants him more than he’s ever wanted anything but he knows that he needs to be worked into it and Niall’s fingers are magic. 

Niall works in a third and Zayn’s thighs are trembling as his fingers grip the sheets. It’s not long until Niall is pulling his fingers out and slipping the condom onto his dick and Zayn’s mouth waters in anticipation because he feels like he’s waited a lifetime to have Niall deep inside of him. 

Once Niall has spread the lube across his condom clad cock he lines up at Zayn’s entrance. He spreads Zayn’s legs slightly and looks up at Zayn to make sure this is what Zayn wants. And Zayn can’t do anything but mewl as he feels Niall’s dick steadily circling at his rim until suddenly he’s pressed deep inside. Zayn’s moan is cut off when Niall connects their mouths once more. 

Niall’s hips move slowly and Zayn can’t do anything but wrap his legs around Niall’s waist and claw at his back as he moans inside of Niall’s mouth. Niall’s arms are braced on either side of Zayn’s head and he feels himself losing it because this is everything he’s ever wanted. All he wants is Niall and he never imagined in this setting but he feels incredibly fucking stupid because they should have been doing this the entire time they’ve known each other.

Niall’s hips began bucking into Zayn and Zayn meets his thrusts with a roll of his hips as his back arcs off the bed. Niall’s hips are moving erratically and Zayn can feel every nerve in his body pulsing with arousal.

He comes undone the same time as Niall with their mouths connected together, swallowing each others groans. They remain connected as they try and catch their breath but it’s hard to do when Niall refuses to remove his mouth from Zayn’s and he keeps rolling his tongue along the inside of Zayn’s mouth. 

And Zayn feels weak and spent as Niall pulls out and tosses the condom somewhere on the side of his bed. He’s got his own come rolling down his stomach and Niall wipes it up with Zayn’s boxers before he pulls the sheet up over them. 

They spend the night wrapped around each other trading slow and steady kisses beneath the sheets.

Zayn wakes up in the morning alone. There isn’t the smell or a sound coming from the kitchen and Zayn knows that he’s alone not only in bed but in the entire apartment. He crawls out of bed and sees that Niall’s clothes are no longer scattered across his bedroom floor. He walks down the hallway and sees that the living room and entrance are also cleared of all things Niall. 

He doesn’t scream or throw anything against the wall like he wanted to before when Niall left. Instead he drags his naked body towards the kitchen and fills the kettle with water before dropping it on the stove so he can make himself some morning tea.

And it’s not the first time that Niall has walked out of Zayn’s life without a word and Zayn refuses to let himself fall apart like he did the times before. He’s used to Niall leaving. 

And after all this time Zayn is fairly positive that this really is the end. And this time it hurts worse than anything he’s ever felt before because now Niall knows how he feels. Now Niall has left and he’s carrying around a piece of Zayn that he’ll never get back. And Zayn is pretty sure that Niall knows he’s walked off with Zayn’s heart in his hands. 

~~~ 

It’s a drizzly April morning when Zayn wakes up to someone banging on his front door. It’s quarter past seven and Zayn is tired and he just wants to sleep but the pillow he shoves over his ears doesn’t block out the noise so he’s forced to crawl out of bed and see who is at the door. 

He trips in the hallway as he makes his towards the door over a pair of his shoes. He hasn’t cleaned his house since Niall left back in January. It’s been two months, and his place is a mess. He’s a mess. His cabinets and fridge are bare again. There are a lot of empty pizza boxes and empty Chinese take out boxes scattered across his coffee table. Zayn doesn’t think he’s stepped in the kitchen for weeks. 

“I’m coming,” he shouts at the person behind the door, because why won’t they fucking stop. He swings the door open and his jaw drops when he sees Niall standing on the porch with four suitcases and several boxes behind him. He grabs two of his bags and shoves past Zayn so he can drop them off in the entryway. Zayn steps to the side and watches as Niall unloads all of his stuff into his foyer. 

When Niall’s done he closes the door and rolls two of the suitcases towards Zayn’s room. “Can you bring the other two,” he calls behind him and Zayn is stunned but he grabs the other suitcases and follows behind Niall. He enters his bedroom and sees Niall has both of the suitcases open on Zayn’s bed. Zayn rolls the other ones in and drops down on the bench at the end of his bed. He watches as Niall goes into Zayn’s closet and starts shoving things further over and out of his way. Zayn wants to ask what he’s doing but he finds out his answer when he sees Niall grab a handful of hanged clothes from out of his bag and carry them back towards the closet. 

“What are you doing?” Zayn finally asks when Niall has emptied all of his bags and has moved on towards unpacking his boxes in the middle of Zayn’s living room. Niall doesn’t reply to him, only goes into the kitchen and comes back with giant black trash bags so he can clean up the mess that Zayn has made over the months. 

It only takes two trash bags until the mess is cleared up and Niall starts shoving books onto Zayn’s bookshelves, movies onto Zayn’s entertainment rack. He tosses pillows onto Zayn’s couch and Zayn recognizes them from being some of the ones from Niall’s apartment when he still lived in town. He lines pictures of his friends, family, him and Zayn along side all the ones that Zayn has scattered on the end tables and empty spaces on the book shelf. 

He even puts spare dishes in Zayn’s cabinets and extra utensils in Zayn’s drawers. And Zayn’s confused because why is Niall dumping all of shit into Zayn’s house? Why is he scattering his things in with Zayn’s? 

When Niall’s finished he stands in the middle of the room and nods his head in approval. “All finished unpacking,” Niall says as he smiles at Zayn. 

“What?”

“I said I finished unpacking.”

“No,” Zayn says as he shakes his head. “I heard you, but what’s going on? Why did you just unload all of this shit into my house?”

Niall for his part doesn’t look taken aback or phased in the slightest by Zayn’s words. Instead he shrugs his shoulders and steps closer to Zayn. “I’ve decided to come back.”

And Zayn wants to take the final steps until he’s in front of Niall and shove him across the room, because Niall can’t just leave and keep leaving and decide that this is the place for him. He can’t leave and come back and expect Zayn to just let him. But fucking Christ of course Zayn is going to let him. Of course he’s going to let Niall come back into his house. Because it’s Niall and Niall has his heart, has always had his heart. 

But Zayn doesn’t have even a pinch of him besides the memories of Niall being with him and then leaving. 

“Why would you want to come back?” Zayn asks. “You have the world out there. You have your music and all your new famous friends, and your album that people keep saying is coming out any day now. And you have your dreams and they’re out there. They’re not here. You left so many fucking times why would you come back here again? What do you want here?”

“Zayn,” Niall says with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I know that’s not good enough for you, but I am. Everything just got so hard. I wanted to go and make music. That’s my dream, but then I met you and all I wanted was to spend time with you, but it just felt like I was the only one that, ya know, wanted things to go anywhere. I kept waiting for you to tell me that people weren’t wrong and that we were dating, but you never did. So I left because it was easier than staying here. So I went and then everything just picked up with my music and I found myself wanting that more and more. But I never stopped wanting you. So I tried to come back but I was with Louis and you wouldn’t talk to me so I left again.” 

“And then you left again.”

“I did,” Niall says with a nod. “I left again. It wasn’t as great as it cracked up to be. I wasn’t as happy as I thought I was going to be so I came back. And I realized that I didn’t need you to tell me that we were together because we were, but I…I broke that. And I’m sorry.”

“Why did you leave?” Zayn asks through a strained voice because he won’t cry. He can’t cry because of this. But his eyes are watering and his breathing is laboring because he fucking loves Niall so much more than he ever thought possible, and Niall feels the same, but it doesn’t change the fact that he left. Zayn needs to know why. 

“I needed to go back and I had to tell my manager that I couldn’t do it anymore. I tried to come back sooner, but there was so much to do and so many people to talk to. I had to tell them that I didn’t want to make music anymore. I told them I had to come home.”

“But, what about your dream of making music and traveling the world?”

“Dreams change, Zayn.”

Zayn’s features contort in confusion and Niall groans because why doesn’t Zayn understand. 

“What do you mean?” Zayn asks.

“I don’t want to chase music or fill giant venues with people listening to my music. I’d rather play in the pub and get ignored by three fourths of the people in the room because at least then I’m doing what I want without anyone telling me that I’m doing it wrong. I want to play in the pub and look out into the crowd and only see you. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to sing for people and not look up to see you watching me? I can’t do that anymore. It’s too fucking hard. I want you, Zayn. Just you.” 

Zayn breaks down and begins crying, steady tears rolling down his cheeks as his shoulders shake from his sobs. He feels Niall pull him into a hug before he feels Niall’s lips on his cheek as he kisses away the tears and whispers to Zayn that it’s okay and he’s sorry and that he loves Zayn so much.

Zayn feels Niall pulling on him in the direction of the couch, and slowly ease both of their joined bodies down onto the leather. Zayn cries into Niall’s neck and he has no idea why he’s crying anymore. He’s happy because Niall’s here but he’s afraid because Niall can’t leave again. He can’t leave now that Zayn knows he loves him and Niall loves him too. 

He eventually stops crying but Niall still has a tight hold on him as he runs his fingers through Zayn’s hair. 

“I’m not going to leave,” Niall says when Zayn finally stops hiccuping and his breathing returns to normal. “I’m not going to go anywhere. I’ve finally realized that this is where I belong. I don’t need anything else. I just need you. I just need you and our weird little lives that wrap around each other because that’s what’s important to me. I thought I needed you to confirm your feelings for me, but I don’t. I’m so fucking sorry I left.” 

“I love you,” Zayn says once Niall finally stops talking. “I love you, and you can’t leave. You can’t fucking leave.” 

Niall smiles and Zayn feels his heart turn whole and swell in his chest. “I love you too,” Niall says as he leans forward to press his lips against Zayn’s. 

And Niall doesn’t leave. He goes back to playing his guitar in the pub and Zayn sits at the bar and turns his stool so he can face Niall and watch every move the blond makes. They go back to Niall waking up first and cooking breakfast and following Zayn to work at the bookstore. They go back to Niall lounging on the couches with a magazine in hand until Zayn’s shift ends and they walk through the park hand in hand until the sun drops low in the sky and Niall has to perform at the pub. 

They go back to lazy Sundays spent intertwined as they watch shitty movies and eat take out. 

They go back to _ZaynandNiall._

And this isn’t how it ends, but rather how it begins.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if the smut was awkward. I've never written sex before.


End file.
